Soo Griffin

The Stepfather

I usually avoid creepy movies, but when you cast Dylan Walsh (Nip/Tuck) as the serial killer stepdaddy, I HAVE to watch.

The following are reasons why I avoid this type of flick:

1. I’m a girl.  Apparently, per the movie industry, that makes me more likely to be chased down by a serial killer.  I’ll trip and fall over everything, so that guy walking at an elderly person’s pace is still going to catch me, gut me, and turn my skull into a hat. And why does the girl always run upstairs? She never goes downstairs to the front door.  There always has to be a big dramatic scene where she’s hanging off the edge of the roof and the killer shows up, scares her, and makes her fall to the ground. Thank goodness that I live in a one story house. I can scratch that big dramatic death off of my possibility list.

2. Bad things always happen when there is bad weather.  It was a dark and stormy night…  Well, that looks to be the best time to slaughter people.  I don’t live in sunny, perfect weather climate.  I live in a place where dark and stormy happens.  Not like it does in Seattle, but still.  Let’s not tempt fate.

3. Why does the killer always go for a knife?  As the hilarious comedian Nick Swardson says, “If I can make it through life without getting stabbed, I win.”  Please, let me win that door prize.  Let’s weigh the pros and cons here.  Shooting: at least you don’t see the bullet coming.  It’s over before it started.  But a knife.  Oh boy.  That baby comes at you, goes in you, and then guess what, the bastard is coming back again for round 2,3,4….you get the picture.  Nobody gets stabbed just once anymore.  It’s always multiple stab wounds.  No thank you.

4. Serial killers never look like “monsters.” As if I didn’t have trust issues to begin with.  Now you’re telling me that Mr. clean cut, good hygiene, great job is going to slice and dice me in my sleep? AUGH! It’s bad enough, ugly people are untrustworthy because of their lack of hotness, now you’re including the hotties?Well hell, I guess we’re all screwed then.  I vote that anyone that has ever killed anyone get an armband. Maybe a red one…with a skull and crossbones on it.  That way the general public knows that if someone is wearing a red armband, they’re super naughty. Bad man! 

5. The bad guy never dies. Really people? Fine, if anyone breaks into my house and tries to kill me, I’m going to have to go for the ultimate zombie kill move: decapitation.  If the cops ask me why my attacker didn’t have a head, I’m going to have to say, “Because the bad guy never dies…don’t you watch the movies?”

Reporters being attacked in Egypt

First off, I just want to say,”Well, no $hit Sherlock.”  Boy, I’m glad I got that out of the way.

Rarely do I watch CNN, but when I do, it’s at my favorite Vietnamese noodle bowl place down the street.  There are two TVs at this restaurant.  One will be tuned in to CNN and at the other will be on some sporting event.  Pick your poison.

Egypt, Egypt, Egypt.  If you turn on the news, odds are they’re talking about Egypt.  Piers Morgan was interviewing a fella about reporters being attacked in Egypt.  They showed poor Anderson Cooper trying to get away from an angry crowd. 

The conversation took a turn when the guy started talking about how Egyptians are getting word out about the events in Egypt, but reporters are necessary because they offer unbiased accounts.

Well, hold on for one hot minute there bubba.

It may be hard to tell from reading this blog, but I was a journalism major in college.  I was forced to write stories about really boring subject matter all the time.  To say that I was completely unbiased in everything I reported would have been true if I didn’t care about the subject matter.  If I actually gave a crap, I wouldn’t blatantly come out and put my opinion in there, but I’d write it in a particular way that made my opinion shine a little brighter in the story.

Turn on your TV sets and pick a news channel.  You’re going to tell me that Fox News, NBC News, and CNN offer unbiased reporting?  Seriously, you have got to be $hittin’ me.

So I’m sitting there enjoying my delicious meatball pho with extra Siracha sauce and saying, “That’s crap.  They’re all biased.  You pick the news channel that agrees with your point of view and that’s as good as gold. There’s no such thing as unbiased journalism.  They’re all people and people have opinions. People want to be heard.”

And Anderson Cooper and all those other reporters that were making it out to look like they have nothing but noble intentions.  Come on.  Let’s be real.  Very few reporters are doing it because, “The people have a right to know!”  They’re doing it for fame, money, the next book deal, etc.  They’re doing it so they can say, “When it was all chaos and destruction…I was there.”

So what do you expect when you go to a place that is in complete utter anarchy? Having a press pass isn’t the immunity idol.  This isn’t survivor. 

There are few things I’ve learned in life and I’m going to share a few of them with you right now.

1. Never bring a knife to a gun fight.

2. Never bring a piece of plastic to a knife fight.

It’s like rock, paper, scissors people.

Always pick rock, because even if he covers it up with paper, you can still smack him on the top of the head with your paper covered rock…

Call of Duty fever

I’m not a hardcore gamer.  My definition of a hardcore gamer is a person that can sit for hours on end playing video games, forsaking real food and exercise, and sustaining nourishment via sugary sodas and Funyuns.  All restroom breaks must be announced to fellow gamers on your mic and you must return as soon as possible.  Have a sense of urgency people! Carnage awaits!

The latest craze in carnage has been Call of Duty:Black Ops.  The First Strike map pack was released on February 1st.  Terry and I were mistaken with the midnight release time.  So wrong.  I was unable to download the new maps until 4:45 am.  This was after checking every hour, on the hour, to see if it was available.

Another example of a hardcore gamer is someone that plays online, versus other players from everywhere.  I lack the skills to do this.  Every time I get online, I get slaughtered.  It’s pretty sad.  If I’m on a team, odds are I’m the bait.  Send me out there to draw fire and flush out the enemy. The stats at the end of the game look something like 1 kill, 28 deaths. Pathetic.

I stick to combat training.  Love it.  The easiest setting is recruit.  It’s you versus the computer.  At least on this level I have a fighting chance and I don’t feel like a complete waste of space on this game.  On this setting, it’s HELLAFUN.  Talk about an ego boost.  30 kills? 12 kill streak? You better watch out, son! 

Anyway, it’s been Call of Duty fever at the Griffin house.  We pretty much play until we go cross eyed and lose feeling in our legs.

It’s a great time. Xbox live people. What are you waiting for?